A Thought on Life and Loss

Saturday, August 19 is a difficult day for me. It was six years ago that my beautiful, wonderful friend and to-be husband died from complications of diabetes and HIV at age 40. So young. He was an exuberant person, open in who he was, always fast with a witty and often sarcastic comment. He loved performing in drag - he was a beautiful woman, but an even more wonderful man - and loved life. A Baltimore Belle at heart, he was loving and caring and funny and just HIM! When I learned of his passing, I was moved to write the following poem. It's about life and loss for me and anyone who has lost a loved one. Hold the memories true, value every minute, and celebrate everything you do together. Just remember, as I do every day now...that every second matters.

This is for you Dean, I miss you greatly.

EVERY SECOND MATTERS

For all the good times
That you and I enjoyed

They are only in memory

Now safe and sound

But all too fast you are gone

Today becomes yesterday so quick 

We should have known better

That every second matters.

All of the laughter we shared

All of the tears we cried

Can not hide the truth

Our lives were at once one

Now we are forever apart

Lost to each other at last

We should have known better

That every second mattered

All I have left of you

Is hidden in my mind

On photographs you stare back

Taunting me to believe 

You are still really here

But you are now my past

We should have known better

That every second mattered

I can't touch you now

All I get is air

Your warmth is no longer

Your voice is now silent

Ever second we had together

Will live on in my love and life

Now I know all the better

That ever second matters.

In memory of Dean Anthony Weese

May 19, 1974 - August 19, 2017

Always in my heart. I will always love you.

Gifting - A New Life Lesson to Live!

A gift. Something to give. Something to get. What’s your idea of a gift? I bet you look forward to getting a gift, right? How about giving a gift? Is that something you must think about, or are not sure about, or even don’t like? Well, how about looking at gifting in a different way. 
The second of The 10 Principles of Burning Man is Gifting. 

Here’s how it is put forth by The Burning Man Project: 

Gifting 

Burning Man is devoted to acts of gift giving. The value of a gift is unconditional. Gifting does not contemplate a return or an exchange for something of equal value. 

For me, this Principle made me rethink what gifts and giving is all about. This happened beginning in my first year going to Burning Man. For that year, I decided to make gifts that reflected something I liked and could make myself. So, I came up with the idea of making small miniature paintings that could be worn as necklaces. Each one of these was made of poplar wood slating, measuring a bit less than 2 inches square. I sanded each one, primes each with spray enamel paint and then painted various scenes, flowers and Burning Man ideas on each, using a magnifying light ring to get the detailed I wanted. I then attached cording to complete the necklace. In 2009, I made 50 of these. In 2010, I made 100 and in 2011, I made almost 200! Upon arrival on the playa, I gave out the necklaces to anyone who I came upon. In fact, I only have about 30 of these now...all the rest were gifted.  

These gifts were given, as the Principle states, without condition. I wanted nothing in return. In fact, I wanted each miniature painting to be not just a gift of painted wood, but a gift of myself through the expression of what I enjoyed creatively – art, scenery, abstraction, flowers, and Burning Man itself. It’s in that expression that the reality – and beauty – of gifting comes out.  
The real gift is that of what we ourselves give to one another! Every gift of ourselves should be given unconditionally, unselfishly and with caring and love. In fact, we should see ourselves and what we do in a positive way as a gift we can give every day!! Our lives and our good acts ARE a gift. Think about what gifts you have to give that are a part of you. Think about the value you can give not just to yourself, but to friends, family and everyone around you. What a better world we could have if we looked at each moment, each day in this way. 

Below are just a few of the miniature painting gifts of self I produced. 

Always know that Burning Man co-founder Larry Harvey wrote the 10 Principles in 2004 as guidelines for the newly-formed Regional Network. They were crafted not as a dictate of how people should be and act, but as a reflection of the community’s ethos and culture as it had organically developed since the event’s inception. Learn more about The 10 Principles and The Burning Man Project at: The 10 Principles of Burning Man | Burning Man
 
The Man burns in 33 days!! 

Many of the miniature paintings can be seen on my Flickr site in two albums:

2011 Burning Man Miniature Paintings | Flickr

My Miniature Paintings 2009 & 2010 | Flickr

Discovering Self-Reliance - Another Life Lesson

In this post I want to share another excerpt from my book-in-progress, “Life Lessons I Learned on the Playa.” Here, I talk about the principle of radical self-reliance and a true revelation for me that happened on the playa. Simply, you may find value in an experience when you least expect it. What may have seemed trivial or unimportant at the time, may reveal much more to you when you think about it or tell the story to others. This is what happened to me in this part of my playa lesson story. I ended up discovering true value in myself when I told this story to others after the experience and found value has become useful in my life. Maybe, you have had a similar experience... 

 A PLAYA SLIDE AND A REVELATION 

In 2011, I committed to arriving on the playa five days before the gates opened to the majority of participants as I was there to assist my amazing friend Jim Bowers with the 1MileClock art project I was participating in. Originally, I had planned on being there with a close friend of mine, but he bailed on me just days before our planned arrival on the playa, leaving me to go it alone. That meant that this would be the first year I’d be arriving on the playa alone without a companion to help me get things set up. The day before I left for the playa, my anxiety rose, a feeling that I had not experienced in a long time, and definitely not in my prior departures for Burning Man, when I went with my partner at the time.  Arriving early meant that I would have to select the campsite area, set up my tent, shade structures, and camp kitchen all by myself. Even given my prior years' experience in doing this, this time it was a foreign and disconcerting concept for me. I had always had someone there to help me out. If something went wrong this time, help wouldn’t be right beside me. This time, I only had one person – me – to rely on. 

 

I arrived on the playa in the late afternoon after a long six-hour ride from the San Francisco Bay Area. As I drove up to the gates, I could see the 120-foot-tall Temple of Transition rising in the distance. In the waning light of the afternoon, the hot dry wind was blowing clouds of dust high into the air towards the distant slopes of the mountains. As I parked the SUV, I noted that there was no one even remotely close to my location at the corner of 9:30 and D. With the light fading fast, I began to unload the vehicle, first pulling out my bicycle and then two bundles of 4-foot long styrofoam pool noodles. I had set the noodle bundles next to my bike and turned to get more out of the truck. When I did, the wind came up in a gust and picked up the noodle bundles, quickly whisking them across the open, seemingly endless playa. I dropped what I had in my arms and began sprinting to catch them. After I had run maybe 200 yards, I was able to catch one of the bundles. I tucked it under my arm and took off running again, thinking that the only thing to stop the remaining bundle would be the mountains in the distance. By now, I was huffing pretty hard and still running as fast as I could. I managed to get close to the remaining bundle after about 100 yards and thought this would be my chance. I took the bundle I had under my arms and swung it out to hit the tumbling bundle in front of me. As I did, my forward motion, along with the catching of the bundles together caused me to trip and then literally fly shirtless, face and belly down over the bundles and onto the hard playa where I slide for maybe 8 or 10 feet before coming to a stop. I had managed to save the pool noodle bundles but had inflicted some pretty severe scrapes on my chest, arms and elbows. As I sat up, I noticed that I was bleeding pretty good and was in a bit of shock physically. And there was no one around to help me.  

  

In the last moments of afternoon light, I stood up, turned around and slowly walked back across the open playa to the SUV. I secured the noodle bundles and then just stood there for a moment. I remember wondering if I should just start crying or laugh at myself.  Then I went to the SUV and found some paper towels and bottled water and started to clean myself off. I got the first aid kit out, realizing it would not be much help. So, I proceeded to wrap myself in the paper towels and then used duct tape to keep them in place. Then calmly, I continued with setting up my camp. Thinking about it, I could have given up and left the playa or I could have just laid down and let things go as they may. Others might have. I might have in my past. But as night fell and I sat there outside of my tent surrounded by the vast dark expanse of nothingness, I looked up at a night filled with stars and realized that I had found something deep inside of me. It had been there all the time. It took a “playa slide” for me to find that I was truly self-reliant, a real survivor, and more alive than I had ever realized.  

It is amazing how a single, seemingly negative and painful experience, opened my eyes to who I could be...and likely always had been. I could feel confident in relying on...myself!! Every time I share this story, I get emotional. I love seeing others find their own realization of self-reliance. It's a beautiful thing. Imagine that! It was a true life lesson, at a most unexpected time in a most unexpected place. The principle of radical self-reliance of Burning Man states, “Burning Man encourages the individual to discover, exercise and rely on their inner resources.”  I was able to do just that! Not such a radical idea, right!!?  

Learn more about The Burning Man Project and the 10 Principles at The 10 Principles of Burning Man | Burning Man

Here are some views of that afternoon and early evening in August, 2011, including the pool noodles - on the playa.

Sharing My Story and Life Lessons...

Recently, I have talked a lot about my experiences at Burning Man in 2009-2011. I have begun to share with you the 10 Principles of Burning Man. Burning Man co-founder Larry Harvey wrote the 10 Principles in 2004 as guidelines for the newly-formed Regional Network. They were crafted not as a dictate of how people should be and act, but as a reflection of the community’s ethos and culture as it had organically developed since the event’s inception. I urge everyone to LIVE the 10 Principles every day. Here, I want to share with you the introductive text of the book I am working on titled "Life Lessons I Learned on the Playa." In this, I do my best to describe this transformative experience and place. It is my hope that you will more fully understand some of my thoughts and emotions going forward. Enjoy!!

THIS PLACE, THIS EXPERIENCE...

For one week each year, tens of thousands gather on a windswept, dry and dusty desert plain high in the Black Rock Mountains of Nevada, one hundred miles from anywhere. These determined and dedicated souls come from all over to build a city in celebration of the possible, the individual, and of community. This place, the playa as it is called, openly and without question embraces its new inhabitants and for each of them, and for just a few days, becomes the place they call home. It is a place that is at once harsh, but comfortable. The brilliant white expanse of hard gypsum dirt stretches infinitely to the blue horizon. It is an environment that challenges, tests your ability to survive, yet at the same time, provides a canvas of opportunity to bring any dream possible to reality. This is Burning Man. 

 

It was to this place where I came to seek some sort of meaning in my life. After many years of emotional upheaval and drifting, addiction, and denial of truths, I wanted to find meaning for my existence. I wanted to find meaning for all of those challenges that had presented themselves to me. I wanted to find meaning for my thoughts and my values. I had heard that Burning Man was nothing more than a weeklong, drug-filled, crazy party. Just a plain crazy event in the overwhelming heat of the high desert. But what I found from the first moment I stepped onto the playa was nothing less than an incredible, unexpected state of mind. I found a way of life and being that I could not have previously imagined, much less thought even existed. It was into this place where I set forth on a journey of personal discovery, self-appreciation, self-reliance, and acceptance of the real beauty of the world and people around me. While I may not have known it in those first few moments, my participation in this place and my embrace of this state of mind would profoundly transform my life.

 

Like many of us who are “Burners”, I have difficulty explaining what home on the playa is like. After all, how do you adequately describe a “state of mind” to someone unless they have experienced it themselves? In a wholly inadequate way, here is my attempt at relating the place, the people and the ideal for you. 

 

This is a place where anyone can go and free themselves mentally and emotionally (and even physically) from whatever binds them to what we call the “default” world. We gather as individuals to be part of an interwoven community that celebrates cooperation, participation and communal caring of one another. As hostile and forbidding as the playa and its surroundings may seem, it's in this desolation and harshness where I found a beauty that is inviting and comfortable. There is a feeling that this IS home, and it surrounds me every moment I am there. I know I am home as the sun begins its brilliant orange rise from behind the mountain each morning and then crosses the brilliant sky to set in a blaze of pink, red and purple each evening. I know I am home as I stare up into a deep night sky filled with an infinity of stars and then look out on a dark-backed plain punctuated by an equally infinite circus of neon colors and flames. I know I am home when I am immediately greeted upon my arrival by strangers who become immediate friends, sharing the spirit of this place and embrace me openly without any preconception or judgment. In this vast emptiness, all of us become free to create a personal experience limited only by those boundaries we have set for ourselves. Transformation comes to those who can transcend those boundaries. I am forever awed by how perfectly the surreal beauty of this place seamlessly intersects with the astounding creativity and limitless imagination of humanity. This joining of the human spirit with the raw beauty of the playa is as paint to canvas, creating a harmonious community – a city – that rises like a mirage from its parched, dust swept surface. Burning Man is, at its core, a unique expression of thousands of unique individuals who have a singular focus – to create a community in celebration of the possible, and live in that community joyously, each participating, learning, and growing as part of a personal journey of self.

 

I will be sharing more of my transformative experience in the hope that you also can find new perspectives in your own life from my, and others, stories. For more information about Burning Man, I encourage you to visit www.burningman.org.

-Text taken from "Life Lessons I Learned on the Playa" by Larry Eiring, copyright 2013, 2023. Reference to Larry Harvey and the 10 Principles taken from "The 10 Principles" on the Burning Man Project website at https://burningman.org/about/10-principles/. Copyright by The Burning Man Project, 1989-2023.

 

The FIRST Life Lesson from the Playa - Inclusion

Well, it is a special time of year for me and millions of others. It is PRIDE month!! This brings to mind something that is high in the news lately....the scope of inclusion. OK, so as many of you know, I'm a true believer in the Principles of Burning Man. In fact, the book I've been working on is tentatively titled "Life Lessons I Learned on the Playa" in which I am attempting to show that application of the 10 Principles of Burning Man is relatable, and desirable, to our everyday life. OK, so what is this principle? Well, the FIRST Principle of Burning Man is....

Radical Inclusion

Anyone may be a part of Burning Man. We welcome and respect the stranger. No prerequisites exist for participation in our community.

Let's now change the text slightly to: Anyone may be a part of our Community. That's pretty simple..and logical, right?  As I've said many times in the past, the strength of community exists with the collective strength of it's individuals. A strong community is built upon the input and perspectives of many, and varied, viewpoints. So, the INCLUSION of the many serves to strengthen the outcome of the community...or society, right??? Logical, clear, sensical! 

Now, I'd like to think that the First Principle isn't all that radical. In fact, it just makes sense. Period. Think about how wonderful...and strong...our communities are (and would be) if we ALL embraced the principle of inclusion. Not a radical principle at all, huh? 

No matter what you think, or believe, there is no denying that the power of many voices, the power of including many thoughts and perspectives, can and does create incredible results. 

So, in this time of deepening division and exclusion, I encourage everyone to think about the benefits of INCLUSION. Think about how much more you and your friends can learn about, just by listening and maybe even accepting other perspectives. It really works. After all, this is how the desert in Nevada turns into an incredible, functioning and welcoming community of over 80,000 individuals each August. Radical inclusion isn't all that radical after all. 

#burningman #blackrockcity

Each Of Us Is Unique and Valuable

Apologies for being absent for a month of so. It's been a challenging time...maybe for all of us!! Nevertheless, I have a though to share.

Recently, I was told "you are so like your father" and then "you act just like your mother." What does that mean??? At the time, I replied, albeit angrily, "I am NOT my father and I am NOT my father. I am ME!"  Think about that. I AM myself. While I may have some traits of my dear Father and Mother, I am a unique individual. After all, that's what "individual" means...right!? Unique, one of a kind. 

So many of us give up our individuality to fit in, conform or be what someone else wants us to be. In essence that is giving AWAY our own precious value. In my book I'm working on called "A Value-Driven Life", I talk about our personal "value bucket". In our value bucket, we carry the "fluid" of our value. I talk about how important it is to protect our value. To not let anyone take it from us or even to not give it away without purpose. When someone tries to tell you that you are like someone else, they are taking away you value from your value bucket. Do you want to just GIVE that away? I think, probably NOT!! Take a moment to sit back and say, "hey, I'm ME, not anyone else, not who you want me to be." Explain that you are a unique, special and valuable INDIVIDUAL....just like they are. The reality is that each of us is unique and that's what helps make our world so special as well. We each need to embrace our value...and uniqueness and celebrate it...within ourselves and with each other.

Think about how much better all of us would feel and how much better our world would be.

As always, I welcome your comments!!

So...What Now?

So, what now? Is that a question you ask yourself often? I guess I have had that experience in the past few days or weeks. Last week, I had a complicated ear surgery, which the outcome is still in doubt. Will I hear again in my ear? Will I look different with my ear sewn on? So..what now?

Well, when I take a moment to reflect, the answer is clear. You just get up and move onward. Life deals all of us with a lot of challenges. Big and small and everything in between comes at us each day. Many challenges we just take on without thinking about, while others are so large as to weigh us down and push us over. 

The secret to moving on is to look for every possible opportunity within the challenge. Think about it. If someone has been told they a have life-threatening disease, the challenge is immense, yet they can look at the opportunities to connect deeper with family, take on something they thought they could never do, or embark on a spiritual journey. The opportunities are really endless. For me, well...so what if I look a little different, I can embrace my new-found look, laugh about it and know that it helps make me even more unique than I am. As for my hearing, well, I can always hear from one side, and I can always take the opportunity to see what technology is available to give me more hearing ability with what I have. Point is that nothing is lost, and all can be gained. How about that I can use the challenge to refocus my senses and talents on my other senses, visual and creative. I can move away from self-doubt and move into self-discovery. How exciting is that!!

Late today, an amazing friend of mine, Jim Bowers, sent me the following message that is timely and relevant in so many ways. Jim and I are artists, creators. He is also a dreamer, inspirational and authentic. We are both "perfectly imperfect", as he says. Here's what he had to say:

“Every single human being on this planet (NO EXCEPTIONS) has something BRILLIANT to offer mankind, whether they know it, believe it, or not. It may be obvious, or it may be hidden, deep within an insecurity. Self-doubt renders that BRILLIANT YOU undiscovered, unrecognized, and unappreciated. 

Given time, trust, and commitment, I WILL discover, reveal and then include that uniquely BRILLIANT contribution as an equally integral part of my/our Art. 

Above all else, this is what brings me true joy and my greatest sense of genuine accomplishment.” 

- Jim Bowers, Artist

These are words to live by. So, look at the brilliant YOU and discover your own Art, and say, "What now?"  I think you'll know the answer!!!

Comments please!!