Fear, Commitment and Loosing Yourself

We all know that at the depth of the Great Depression, Franklin Roosevelt in his inaugural address stated, “the only thing we have to fear…is fear itself.” But what was FDR really trying to say to the depressed and disillusioned masses that had lost everything? Simply, that fear was just a feeling, an emotion and a state of mind that did not have to take over and consume every part of people’s lives. In effect, it’s just a word, like other words, but at the height of despair and ruin, people had given in to it. Millions had given in to a simple “word”.  What fear really does, if we let that “word” take over our minds and allow it to consume us, is to push us to the point where we end up losing ourselves. We start thinking we are something we are not and ultimately let fear drive every action we take, sometimes with awful results.

Yes, we all have fears. Many of us have a fear of flying, fear of dying and fear of snakes and spiders. But what about the fear of making a real commitment? Many relationships break down because one or the other partner has given in to their fear of being committed to someone else simply because they fear they might “loose” a part of themselves.  Often, these individuals let their fear take over and never even give the relationship a chance to grow and thrive. Their fear of losing something, anything of themselves, as unrealistic as it may be, stamps out the flame of happiness and contentment before it’s even had a chance to burn brightly. Imagine what they have lost by letting a simple word – fear – drive their actions. Not only have they lost the opportunity to self evolve in concert with another human being they may actually love, but they have lost the opportunity to evolve and grow themselves into a life of contentment and freedom from “fear”. For these individuals, the only thing they then have to fear…is themselves.

Giving and Taking - It’s All about Balance

I’ve been told over and over that I’m a “giver” in my life. That’s probably true. I love to give of myself, give to others and donate to causes I believe passionately about. But I also enjoy giving to those I love and care about too. In that is the issue. I’ve always given so much, without asking for anything in return, that I end up getting disappointed and hurt. The cause of this discord is that unconscious and unrealistic expectations are created. Our human nature causes us to think that “if you give, you shall also receive”, but the reality is that this almost never occurs. So many of us, myself included who are givers end up waiting for a return that doesn’t equal what we give out. We become disillusioned, disappointed and discouraged. If we let this go on long enough, we become hurt and unhappy with ourselves, even to the point that we feel that the problem is with “me”. At its worse, this spiraling downward and inward ends up becoming self-destructive to the point that we stop giving to the most important person who matters – ourselves.

To begin mastering the art of self-evolution, we (and I) need to take a step back and look at reality. The reality is that a happy, healthy life is all about balance. As a “giver”, we need to know that some people are truly “takers” and will take from us all we have if we let them. It becomes our own choice to let that happen or not. To evolve, we as givers who are seeking and needing balance need to seek out others who are also seeking and needing balance. We then need to open up a questioning dialogue between ourselves and listen to each other. We need to reach a point where we seek mutual understanding about what we need to give and what we need to take. In essence, each of us needs to find a proper balance. Finding this balance is not always easy or comfortable, but it will help each of us grow and evolve. In the end, happiness and contentment can and will come from achieving this simple balance between giving and taking in our lives, but only if we open up to it. 

Want to Succeed? Try A New Formula

One of the keys to success and happiness in life is realizing that using the same formula for the way you live your life just might be failing. Whether it’s sticking with a not-so-happy situation just because it’s “comfortable”, hanging with friends who always get you in trouble because they "like me", or staying with an addiction because it “feels good”, haven't you noticed the end result is always the same? I'll bet you feel depressed and end up in a state of despair and discontentment. You probably have even asked yourself, “how do I get off this crazy roller coaster?”  Actually, the answer is quite simple. Take a hint from the process of self-evolution. Sit down and seriously question each situation. Don't let others influence you and don’t back down from what you see. Open your self to every new opportunity to all of the challenges you face. Allow yourself the opportunity to define these opportunities and look at them for how they will allow you to move forward in life. Remember, you don’t need anyone else’s permission or input to succeed other than your own. So go ahead, use a new life-formula, use the courage you know you have and give yourself permission to succeed and continue on your journey of self-evolution.

(with thanks to Michael Butler, Sr. for prompting this entry out of me!)