A Thought on Life and Loss

Saturday, August 19 is a difficult day for me. It was six years ago that my beautiful, wonderful friend and to-be husband died from complications of diabetes and HIV at age 40. So young. He was an exuberant person, open in who he was, always fast with a witty and often sarcastic comment. He loved performing in drag - he was a beautiful woman, but an even more wonderful man - and loved life. A Baltimore Belle at heart, he was loving and caring and funny and just HIM! When I learned of his passing, I was moved to write the following poem. It's about life and loss for me and anyone who has lost a loved one. Hold the memories true, value every minute, and celebrate everything you do together. Just remember, as I do every day now...that every second matters.

This is for you Dean, I miss you greatly.

EVERY SECOND MATTERS

For all the good times
That you and I enjoyed

They are only in memory

Now safe and sound

But all too fast you are gone

Today becomes yesterday so quick 

We should have known better

That every second matters.

All of the laughter we shared

All of the tears we cried

Can not hide the truth

Our lives were at once one

Now we are forever apart

Lost to each other at last

We should have known better

That every second mattered

All I have left of you

Is hidden in my mind

On photographs you stare back

Taunting me to believe 

You are still really here

But you are now my past

We should have known better

That every second mattered

I can't touch you now

All I get is air

Your warmth is no longer

Your voice is now silent

Ever second we had together

Will live on in my love and life

Now I know all the better

That ever second matters.

In memory of Dean Anthony Weese

May 19, 1974 - August 19, 2017

Always in my heart. I will always love you.

Gifting - A New Life Lesson to Live!

A gift. Something to give. Something to get. What’s your idea of a gift? I bet you look forward to getting a gift, right? How about giving a gift? Is that something you must think about, or are not sure about, or even don’t like? Well, how about looking at gifting in a different way. 
The second of The 10 Principles of Burning Man is Gifting. 

Here’s how it is put forth by The Burning Man Project: 

Gifting 

Burning Man is devoted to acts of gift giving. The value of a gift is unconditional. Gifting does not contemplate a return or an exchange for something of equal value. 

For me, this Principle made me rethink what gifts and giving is all about. This happened beginning in my first year going to Burning Man. For that year, I decided to make gifts that reflected something I liked and could make myself. So, I came up with the idea of making small miniature paintings that could be worn as necklaces. Each one of these was made of poplar wood slating, measuring a bit less than 2 inches square. I sanded each one, primes each with spray enamel paint and then painted various scenes, flowers and Burning Man ideas on each, using a magnifying light ring to get the detailed I wanted. I then attached cording to complete the necklace. In 2009, I made 50 of these. In 2010, I made 100 and in 2011, I made almost 200! Upon arrival on the playa, I gave out the necklaces to anyone who I came upon. In fact, I only have about 30 of these now...all the rest were gifted.  

These gifts were given, as the Principle states, without condition. I wanted nothing in return. In fact, I wanted each miniature painting to be not just a gift of painted wood, but a gift of myself through the expression of what I enjoyed creatively – art, scenery, abstraction, flowers, and Burning Man itself. It’s in that expression that the reality – and beauty – of gifting comes out.  
The real gift is that of what we ourselves give to one another! Every gift of ourselves should be given unconditionally, unselfishly and with caring and love. In fact, we should see ourselves and what we do in a positive way as a gift we can give every day!! Our lives and our good acts ARE a gift. Think about what gifts you have to give that are a part of you. Think about the value you can give not just to yourself, but to friends, family and everyone around you. What a better world we could have if we looked at each moment, each day in this way. 

Below are just a few of the miniature painting gifts of self I produced. 

Always know that Burning Man co-founder Larry Harvey wrote the 10 Principles in 2004 as guidelines for the newly-formed Regional Network. They were crafted not as a dictate of how people should be and act, but as a reflection of the community’s ethos and culture as it had organically developed since the event’s inception. Learn more about The 10 Principles and The Burning Man Project at: The 10 Principles of Burning Man | Burning Man
 
The Man burns in 33 days!! 

Many of the miniature paintings can be seen on my Flickr site in two albums:

2011 Burning Man Miniature Paintings | Flickr

My Miniature Paintings 2009 & 2010 | Flickr

Discovering Self-Reliance - Another Life Lesson

In this post I want to share another excerpt from my book-in-progress, “Life Lessons I Learned on the Playa.” Here, I talk about the principle of radical self-reliance and a true revelation for me that happened on the playa. Simply, you may find value in an experience when you least expect it. What may have seemed trivial or unimportant at the time, may reveal much more to you when you think about it or tell the story to others. This is what happened to me in this part of my playa lesson story. I ended up discovering true value in myself when I told this story to others after the experience and found value has become useful in my life. Maybe, you have had a similar experience... 

 A PLAYA SLIDE AND A REVELATION 

In 2011, I committed to arriving on the playa five days before the gates opened to the majority of participants as I was there to assist my amazing friend Jim Bowers with the 1MileClock art project I was participating in. Originally, I had planned on being there with a close friend of mine, but he bailed on me just days before our planned arrival on the playa, leaving me to go it alone. That meant that this would be the first year I’d be arriving on the playa alone without a companion to help me get things set up. The day before I left for the playa, my anxiety rose, a feeling that I had not experienced in a long time, and definitely not in my prior departures for Burning Man, when I went with my partner at the time.  Arriving early meant that I would have to select the campsite area, set up my tent, shade structures, and camp kitchen all by myself. Even given my prior years' experience in doing this, this time it was a foreign and disconcerting concept for me. I had always had someone there to help me out. If something went wrong this time, help wouldn’t be right beside me. This time, I only had one person – me – to rely on. 

 

I arrived on the playa in the late afternoon after a long six-hour ride from the San Francisco Bay Area. As I drove up to the gates, I could see the 120-foot-tall Temple of Transition rising in the distance. In the waning light of the afternoon, the hot dry wind was blowing clouds of dust high into the air towards the distant slopes of the mountains. As I parked the SUV, I noted that there was no one even remotely close to my location at the corner of 9:30 and D. With the light fading fast, I began to unload the vehicle, first pulling out my bicycle and then two bundles of 4-foot long styrofoam pool noodles. I had set the noodle bundles next to my bike and turned to get more out of the truck. When I did, the wind came up in a gust and picked up the noodle bundles, quickly whisking them across the open, seemingly endless playa. I dropped what I had in my arms and began sprinting to catch them. After I had run maybe 200 yards, I was able to catch one of the bundles. I tucked it under my arm and took off running again, thinking that the only thing to stop the remaining bundle would be the mountains in the distance. By now, I was huffing pretty hard and still running as fast as I could. I managed to get close to the remaining bundle after about 100 yards and thought this would be my chance. I took the bundle I had under my arms and swung it out to hit the tumbling bundle in front of me. As I did, my forward motion, along with the catching of the bundles together caused me to trip and then literally fly shirtless, face and belly down over the bundles and onto the hard playa where I slide for maybe 8 or 10 feet before coming to a stop. I had managed to save the pool noodle bundles but had inflicted some pretty severe scrapes on my chest, arms and elbows. As I sat up, I noticed that I was bleeding pretty good and was in a bit of shock physically. And there was no one around to help me.  

  

In the last moments of afternoon light, I stood up, turned around and slowly walked back across the open playa to the SUV. I secured the noodle bundles and then just stood there for a moment. I remember wondering if I should just start crying or laugh at myself.  Then I went to the SUV and found some paper towels and bottled water and started to clean myself off. I got the first aid kit out, realizing it would not be much help. So, I proceeded to wrap myself in the paper towels and then used duct tape to keep them in place. Then calmly, I continued with setting up my camp. Thinking about it, I could have given up and left the playa or I could have just laid down and let things go as they may. Others might have. I might have in my past. But as night fell and I sat there outside of my tent surrounded by the vast dark expanse of nothingness, I looked up at a night filled with stars and realized that I had found something deep inside of me. It had been there all the time. It took a “playa slide” for me to find that I was truly self-reliant, a real survivor, and more alive than I had ever realized.  

It is amazing how a single, seemingly negative and painful experience, opened my eyes to who I could be...and likely always had been. I could feel confident in relying on...myself!! Every time I share this story, I get emotional. I love seeing others find their own realization of self-reliance. It's a beautiful thing. Imagine that! It was a true life lesson, at a most unexpected time in a most unexpected place. The principle of radical self-reliance of Burning Man states, “Burning Man encourages the individual to discover, exercise and rely on their inner resources.”  I was able to do just that! Not such a radical idea, right!!?  

Learn more about The Burning Man Project and the 10 Principles at The 10 Principles of Burning Man | Burning Man

Here are some views of that afternoon and early evening in August, 2011, including the pool noodles - on the playa.

Sharing My Story and Life Lessons...

Recently, I have talked a lot about my experiences at Burning Man in 2009-2011. I have begun to share with you the 10 Principles of Burning Man. Burning Man co-founder Larry Harvey wrote the 10 Principles in 2004 as guidelines for the newly-formed Regional Network. They were crafted not as a dictate of how people should be and act, but as a reflection of the community’s ethos and culture as it had organically developed since the event’s inception. I urge everyone to LIVE the 10 Principles every day. Here, I want to share with you the introductive text of the book I am working on titled "Life Lessons I Learned on the Playa." In this, I do my best to describe this transformative experience and place. It is my hope that you will more fully understand some of my thoughts and emotions going forward. Enjoy!!

THIS PLACE, THIS EXPERIENCE...

For one week each year, tens of thousands gather on a windswept, dry and dusty desert plain high in the Black Rock Mountains of Nevada, one hundred miles from anywhere. These determined and dedicated souls come from all over to build a city in celebration of the possible, the individual, and of community. This place, the playa as it is called, openly and without question embraces its new inhabitants and for each of them, and for just a few days, becomes the place they call home. It is a place that is at once harsh, but comfortable. The brilliant white expanse of hard gypsum dirt stretches infinitely to the blue horizon. It is an environment that challenges, tests your ability to survive, yet at the same time, provides a canvas of opportunity to bring any dream possible to reality. This is Burning Man. 

 

It was to this place where I came to seek some sort of meaning in my life. After many years of emotional upheaval and drifting, addiction, and denial of truths, I wanted to find meaning for my existence. I wanted to find meaning for all of those challenges that had presented themselves to me. I wanted to find meaning for my thoughts and my values. I had heard that Burning Man was nothing more than a weeklong, drug-filled, crazy party. Just a plain crazy event in the overwhelming heat of the high desert. But what I found from the first moment I stepped onto the playa was nothing less than an incredible, unexpected state of mind. I found a way of life and being that I could not have previously imagined, much less thought even existed. It was into this place where I set forth on a journey of personal discovery, self-appreciation, self-reliance, and acceptance of the real beauty of the world and people around me. While I may not have known it in those first few moments, my participation in this place and my embrace of this state of mind would profoundly transform my life.

 

Like many of us who are “Burners”, I have difficulty explaining what home on the playa is like. After all, how do you adequately describe a “state of mind” to someone unless they have experienced it themselves? In a wholly inadequate way, here is my attempt at relating the place, the people and the ideal for you. 

 

This is a place where anyone can go and free themselves mentally and emotionally (and even physically) from whatever binds them to what we call the “default” world. We gather as individuals to be part of an interwoven community that celebrates cooperation, participation and communal caring of one another. As hostile and forbidding as the playa and its surroundings may seem, it's in this desolation and harshness where I found a beauty that is inviting and comfortable. There is a feeling that this IS home, and it surrounds me every moment I am there. I know I am home as the sun begins its brilliant orange rise from behind the mountain each morning and then crosses the brilliant sky to set in a blaze of pink, red and purple each evening. I know I am home as I stare up into a deep night sky filled with an infinity of stars and then look out on a dark-backed plain punctuated by an equally infinite circus of neon colors and flames. I know I am home when I am immediately greeted upon my arrival by strangers who become immediate friends, sharing the spirit of this place and embrace me openly without any preconception or judgment. In this vast emptiness, all of us become free to create a personal experience limited only by those boundaries we have set for ourselves. Transformation comes to those who can transcend those boundaries. I am forever awed by how perfectly the surreal beauty of this place seamlessly intersects with the astounding creativity and limitless imagination of humanity. This joining of the human spirit with the raw beauty of the playa is as paint to canvas, creating a harmonious community – a city – that rises like a mirage from its parched, dust swept surface. Burning Man is, at its core, a unique expression of thousands of unique individuals who have a singular focus – to create a community in celebration of the possible, and live in that community joyously, each participating, learning, and growing as part of a personal journey of self.

 

I will be sharing more of my transformative experience in the hope that you also can find new perspectives in your own life from my, and others, stories. For more information about Burning Man, I encourage you to visit www.burningman.org.

-Text taken from "Life Lessons I Learned on the Playa" by Larry Eiring, copyright 2013, 2023. Reference to Larry Harvey and the 10 Principles taken from "The 10 Principles" on the Burning Man Project website at https://burningman.org/about/10-principles/. Copyright by The Burning Man Project, 1989-2023.

 

The FIRST Life Lesson from the Playa - Inclusion

Well, it is a special time of year for me and millions of others. It is PRIDE month!! This brings to mind something that is high in the news lately....the scope of inclusion. OK, so as many of you know, I'm a true believer in the Principles of Burning Man. In fact, the book I've been working on is tentatively titled "Life Lessons I Learned on the Playa" in which I am attempting to show that application of the 10 Principles of Burning Man is relatable, and desirable, to our everyday life. OK, so what is this principle? Well, the FIRST Principle of Burning Man is....

Radical Inclusion

Anyone may be a part of Burning Man. We welcome and respect the stranger. No prerequisites exist for participation in our community.

Let's now change the text slightly to: Anyone may be a part of our Community. That's pretty simple..and logical, right?  As I've said many times in the past, the strength of community exists with the collective strength of it's individuals. A strong community is built upon the input and perspectives of many, and varied, viewpoints. So, the INCLUSION of the many serves to strengthen the outcome of the community...or society, right??? Logical, clear, sensical! 

Now, I'd like to think that the First Principle isn't all that radical. In fact, it just makes sense. Period. Think about how wonderful...and strong...our communities are (and would be) if we ALL embraced the principle of inclusion. Not a radical principle at all, huh? 

No matter what you think, or believe, there is no denying that the power of many voices, the power of including many thoughts and perspectives, can and does create incredible results. 

So, in this time of deepening division and exclusion, I encourage everyone to think about the benefits of INCLUSION. Think about how much more you and your friends can learn about, just by listening and maybe even accepting other perspectives. It really works. After all, this is how the desert in Nevada turns into an incredible, functioning and welcoming community of over 80,000 individuals each August. Radical inclusion isn't all that radical after all. 

#burningman #blackrockcity

Each Of Us Is Unique and Valuable

Apologies for being absent for a month of so. It's been a challenging time...maybe for all of us!! Nevertheless, I have a though to share.

Recently, I was told "you are so like your father" and then "you act just like your mother." What does that mean??? At the time, I replied, albeit angrily, "I am NOT my father and I am NOT my father. I am ME!"  Think about that. I AM myself. While I may have some traits of my dear Father and Mother, I am a unique individual. After all, that's what "individual" means...right!? Unique, one of a kind. 

So many of us give up our individuality to fit in, conform or be what someone else wants us to be. In essence that is giving AWAY our own precious value. In my book I'm working on called "A Value-Driven Life", I talk about our personal "value bucket". In our value bucket, we carry the "fluid" of our value. I talk about how important it is to protect our value. To not let anyone take it from us or even to not give it away without purpose. When someone tries to tell you that you are like someone else, they are taking away you value from your value bucket. Do you want to just GIVE that away? I think, probably NOT!! Take a moment to sit back and say, "hey, I'm ME, not anyone else, not who you want me to be." Explain that you are a unique, special and valuable INDIVIDUAL....just like they are. The reality is that each of us is unique and that's what helps make our world so special as well. We each need to embrace our value...and uniqueness and celebrate it...within ourselves and with each other.

Think about how much better all of us would feel and how much better our world would be.

As always, I welcome your comments!!

So...What Now?

So, what now? Is that a question you ask yourself often? I guess I have had that experience in the past few days or weeks. Last week, I had a complicated ear surgery, which the outcome is still in doubt. Will I hear again in my ear? Will I look different with my ear sewn on? So..what now?

Well, when I take a moment to reflect, the answer is clear. You just get up and move onward. Life deals all of us with a lot of challenges. Big and small and everything in between comes at us each day. Many challenges we just take on without thinking about, while others are so large as to weigh us down and push us over. 

The secret to moving on is to look for every possible opportunity within the challenge. Think about it. If someone has been told they a have life-threatening disease, the challenge is immense, yet they can look at the opportunities to connect deeper with family, take on something they thought they could never do, or embark on a spiritual journey. The opportunities are really endless. For me, well...so what if I look a little different, I can embrace my new-found look, laugh about it and know that it helps make me even more unique than I am. As for my hearing, well, I can always hear from one side, and I can always take the opportunity to see what technology is available to give me more hearing ability with what I have. Point is that nothing is lost, and all can be gained. How about that I can use the challenge to refocus my senses and talents on my other senses, visual and creative. I can move away from self-doubt and move into self-discovery. How exciting is that!!

Late today, an amazing friend of mine, Jim Bowers, sent me the following message that is timely and relevant in so many ways. Jim and I are artists, creators. He is also a dreamer, inspirational and authentic. We are both "perfectly imperfect", as he says. Here's what he had to say:

“Every single human being on this planet (NO EXCEPTIONS) has something BRILLIANT to offer mankind, whether they know it, believe it, or not. It may be obvious, or it may be hidden, deep within an insecurity. Self-doubt renders that BRILLIANT YOU undiscovered, unrecognized, and unappreciated. 

Given time, trust, and commitment, I WILL discover, reveal and then include that uniquely BRILLIANT contribution as an equally integral part of my/our Art. 

Above all else, this is what brings me true joy and my greatest sense of genuine accomplishment.” 

- Jim Bowers, Artist

These are words to live by. So, look at the brilliant YOU and discover your own Art, and say, "What now?"  I think you'll know the answer!!!

Comments please!!

Moments in Time...That's Life!

 As we go through each day, most of us never think about the 1,440 minutes that make up each day or the 525,600 minutes in a year. But in reality, our lives are these minutes - moments in time. So, what do you do to make each of these minutes special and precious moments? Do we do our best to value each minute? Do we do something positive - even in small ways - for each of those minutes? Think about it! In his book, "Today Matters", John C. Maxwell talks about making each day one of value - special and positive. What he is saying is that if we hold each day - and each minute in that day - beautiful and special for ourselves, then our lives will be built upon moments of good and positive actions.

Using the analogy of building a house...each moment is a block upon which the next block is to be laid. To be solid, each block must be solid and well made. One block upon the other, one block at a time, we can build a solid, well made, life of value into a mansion of our own lives. 

That's a life that can be beautiful!!

Here's a poem I wrote originally in 2012 and revised in 2014. It is called, appropriately, "One Moment In Time."

One Moment In Time

In the dark there is a light

In the light a darkness rises

Yet, there is just one night now

Just this moment in time

Just one moment in time

My eyes have turned from blue

To the steely coldness of grey

Yet, in the light my darkness rises

Just this moment in time

Just one moment in time

Across the land a pale light rises

A new day comes brightly onward

Yet, soon the silent night is overcome

Just this moment in time

Just one moment in time

I thought the darkness never ending

Surrounding me ever into infinity 

Yet, in it all there is light outward

Just this moment in time

Just one moment in time

Now all of the dark has faded

The blue and black into gold and white

Yet, the light I know now is me

Just this moment in time

Just a moment in time

Just one moment in time

Just my moment in time.

"One Moment In Time"  Copyright, Larry Eiring, 2012/2023

Will you step out of the dark and bring your light into each of your many moments in time? Do that every minute you can and you'll see what a beautiful life you can have!!

 

Coming Back Is Possible

Many times in our lives we can feel lost. Lost to ourselves, Lost to others, Lost even in the places where we are. Yet, the reality is that we don't have to stay lost. We have the power within ourselves to "find" all that we need. Each of us holds so much more value than we recognize, so much more power of life and hope than we realize. What it takes is courage and having the dignity of risk to honestly look inward. It's not that difficult really. The key action is honesty. To be able to have the courage to find your own value means that you must be 100% honest with yourself first. You must discover and accept the good, the bad, and the uglies about yourself and realize that all of that is who you are. And then, take the risk - with dignity and grace - to find who you are and chart an exciting course forward. Once you start moving forward, you will not be lost. You have a direction and will be on a journey of value and light.

In 2017, I wrote several poems about being lost myself, desperate in a dark place, and looking for someone, something, in my own life. This is one of those poems.

Back Where I Belong

These days are getting so much longer
Longer than I could ever imagine
The closer I get to there now
It seems like I'll never figure out
All of the ways I can get back
I've not always been the best man
And not the best friend for you
But it's been you and your love
That's helped me make it through
You always gave me another chance
To be the person I could be
Now all I want is to get back
To that place where I belong
Now all I want is to know
There's someone like you out there
Waiting with a smile on their face
To say to me, "Welcome back"
Back to where I belong
I was always running from my life
Running from all those places
From all the pain I once made
I wrapped it around me so tight
Turned all my days into night
But now I am running to the light
This is my hope bold and bright
Right now I want it all
Right now I want to see me
Right now I want to see you
Right now I want to come back
To the place where I belong.

"Back Where I Belong"   Copyright, Larry Eiring, 2017

Are you still running? Are you still looking for yourself? Are you still missing a friend or a loved one? Know this: With honesty, courage, dignity, and hope....you will get back to the place you belong.

As always, I'd love your comments and thoughts!

A Thought Of Colors and Words and Life

 Here is another poem of mine. This one was written as I thought of how people see me, and I see them...and how we all see each other. Think about yourself and the colors of our world...and the beauty within.

Paint Me With Words

Paint me with words

What colors will you see

How about bright yellow

Shining just like the sun

Maybe a bit of cool blue

Is that for the mood I'm in

Or orange bold and forceful

A color full of my energy.

Paint me with words

What colors do you see

Did you consider clean white

Pure and simple and bright

There's green like new life

Renewal and rebirth seep out

Or pure red flowing and warm

The love and hope in my heart.

Paint me with words

What colors do I see

As I look outward at you

Funny how I don't see 

Any colors at all now

Black and white and in between

Blend all together into one

Beauty in all and everything.

Paint me with words

What colors do we see

Should we see any at all

Paint me with words

Laughter and tears

Smiles and fears

What colors do I see

I see them all and more

Painting words of love

Painting words of life.

    "Paint Me With Words"  Larry Eiring, Copyright, 2018

So, think about it! What colors do YOU see? I'd enjoy your comments!!! Let's discuss!

A Poem For The Journey

In the years 2012 through 2018, I was wonderfully moved to create several poems/songs that reflected my life and my feelings. Last week, I was thinking that here would be a good place to brings several of these to you in the hope that maybe my words can help you reflect and find hope and value in your life. So, over the next few weeks, I'm going to post these and will welcome your comments!!

The Journey Is Life

The journey is life
Without the journey
There is no beginning and no end

There is no birth and no death

There are no ups and no downs.

Without the journey 

There is no sun and no rain

There is no joy and no sorrow

There are no failures and no successes.

Without the journey

There is no here and no there

There is no light and no dark

There are no challenges and no opportunities.

Without the journey

There is no hope.

Without the journey

There is no you and no me.

The journey is all we have

The journey is us

The journey is life.

  -- "The Journey is Life" Copyright Larry Eiring, 2017 

Yes, our lives are a journey. But what a wonderful journey it can be if we only look at the value within ourselves and in the journey itself!!

Enjoy!

                         

What Did You Do Today...?

Ok, here's the question: What did you do today to create value?  

Think about that for a moment. Are you wondering what I mean? Are you asking, "what value?" OK, fair enough. Let me make this a little clearer. First, think about what you did today to create value in yourself. Did you look in the mirror and smile at yourself, thinking "I am going to make this a great day?" or did you create something positive for yourself? In creating and building a value-driven life, it is important to take some time each day for yourself. This means that you can do a positive activity, like working out at the gym, or writing something, or even do something artistic. These positive activities - things you want and like to do - will help you build your self-value. The more your build your own self-value, the better you will feel about yourself and your ability to meet the challenges that you will face each day.

Now, how about sharing some of your value with others! Maybe you simply opened a door for someone in the store. Maybe you thanked someone for their help, or maybe you called a friend and listened to them as they related an issue to you. By sharing your value, you are giving of yourself and helping to build someone's own value-driven life. And, just as importantly, you are helping to build your own self-value. 

See! Simple things you do today mean a lot to you and someone else. Each day, by doing something to create value, you are continuing to build on your own life of value. So, the question is...what are you going to do today...and tomorrow??

Please share what you do (and have done) to create value for yourself and others. You just may help someone on their journey towards a value-driven life!!  Comments???